National Holiday: Keith Jackson Shall No Longer Ruin My Life!

Keith Jackson has officially announced his retirement. Having only known this for a few minutes, I'm already so drunk with glee that all automobiles and heavy equipment should be kept away. Far, far away. Perhaps I should send him a retirement present? I don't know where he lives, so a flaming bag of dog feces is out of the question. Seriously, though, someone should put me under twenty-four hour supervision for the next few days. No telling what I may do in times like these.